Nurturing yourself: healing the shadows.

Oct 15

3 min read

It's a common experience: we all carry wounds from our childhood that quietly shape our adult lives. These old pains can surface as feelings of emptiness, loneliness, or a deep sense of self-doubt, that feeling of being 'inadequate,' 'unworthy,' or 'incapable.'

To cope, we often create a 'mask' or persona, suppressing the parts of ourselves that feel wounded. This might lead us down unhelpful paths, like falling into unhealthy relationships or using substances to 'fix' the pain. We develop these strategies to feel whole and socially acceptable. We all do it! But unfortunately, not all of them are helpful.

The Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Jung, referred to this hidden, wounded part as our “shadow self,” the pieces we keep locked away in the 'shadows.'

But here's the good news: it's absolutely possible to heal from the past and safely bring those wounds out of the shadow.

Healing your inner child

Healing the inner child involves turning toward that wounded, 'shadow' part of yourself with care. It means acknowledging and validating your past experiences, letting go of self-blame and shame, and intentionally giving yourself the love and care you deserve.

This deep work can lead to self-acceptance, and dropping the need for a persona. When we connect with our authentic selves, we naturally become more confident, resilient, and capable of creating healthy relationships.

The power of the healing

Healing is truly a journey, not a destination. It involves acknowledging your pain, understanding where it came from, and patiently processing and releasing it. This process isn't always easy; it takes real patience and commitment. But it is incredibly rewarding! When you heal your wounds, you become more self-aware, deeply compassionate, and capable of nurturing yourself and others on a whole new level.

Key steps to start healing today

Here are a few ways to start connecting with and caring for your inner child:

Practice self-compassion: treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend. Remember that your younger self was doing the very best they could with the resources they had at the time.
Embrace mindfulness: pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Notice any recurring patterns or limiting beliefs that might be rooted in childhood experiences. Ask yourself honestly: Does this belief still serve me?
Acknowledging motions: allow yourself to feel and express your emotions, especially the difficult ones. I love the phrase, "We can’t heal what we aren't feeling." The more we avoid and suppress, the deeper the wound can become.
Set healthy boundaries: learn to say "no" and establish clear, healthy boundaries with others. Doing this sends a powerful signal to yourself that "you matter," which helps build a stronger relationship with yourself.
Prioritise self-care: engage in activities that genuinely nourish your mind, body, and soul. This isn't just a 'sticking plaster' it helps! It allows you to rest and reconnect while boosting those lovely 'happy chemicals.' (Check out my previous blog about the wellbeing house for more on this!)
Embrace growth: Healing and growth are often two sides of the same coin. As you confront your past pain, you’ll learn valuable lessons, develop new coping mechanisms, and discover strength you didn't know you had.

The role of therapy

This internal journey can be tough, especially if your wounds have been festering for a long time. There's no shame in wanting to keep things in the shadows. I mean, who wants to pick at a scab? I don't blame you!

But please know that therapy can be a powerful tool for supporting healing and growth. A therapist provides a safe and supportive space where you can gently explore your feelings, understand your past, and develop effective, healthy coping strategies. They can help you break free from negative patterns and build a more fulfilling life.

Taking the first step

If you're struggling with the echoes of your past, or you feel ready to bring those parts of yourself out of the shadows, you absolutely don't have to do it alone.

The most important first step is acknowledging that you deserve healing and growth. By taking that step, you're validating your needs and setting yourself on a path toward a more nurturing future.

Remember, you are not alone. With time, patience, and self-compassion, you too can become the loving adult your younger self craved. Don’t let another day go by with the past controlling your future.